The Pilgrims set anchor at Plymouth Rock on December 11, 1620. The Mayflower was overbooked and the Midnight Buffet had been a bit of a disappointment, so everyone was a little edgy when they arrived. They hadn’t pre-purchased any land excursions and the shopping looked pretty slim, so they got right to work setting up the colony. Their first winter was extremely difficult, especially because their electric blankets were not compatible with American power outlets. It was a long and cold season, and only about half survived.
But the harvest of 1621 was a bountiful one. And the surviving colonists decided to celebrate with a feast-including 91 Indians who had helped the Pilgrims to survive their first year. The Pilgrims had barely made it through the winter because they had great difficulty working the land and growing adequate food in the cold weather. The Indians, on the other hand, had lived through many winters and assisted the Pilgrims with their agricultural knowledge, survival skills, and abundant gaming revenue.
The feast lasted three days and was quite extravagant. The menu included wild fowl, boiled pumpkin, fried corn fritters, fish, berries, watercress, lobster, dried fruit, clams, venison, and plums, all of which were also available in a low-carb wrap. They spent days in preparation, and took many precautions to ensure the survival of the remaining colonists. Everything was prepared with zero grams of trans fat and the turkey deep-fryer was placed outside so as not to burn down the already tenuous settlement.
The meal was a wonderful time of enjoyment and community for both the Pilgrims and the Indians. To keep the atmosphere festive, they were careful to avoid potentially awkward topics of conversation like religion, politics, and Christopher Columbus. After the meal, everyone was stuffed. The men headed back inside to catch the big match-up between the Redskins and the Patriots, and the women, delighted that Starbucks was open on Thanksgiving, went out for Gingerbread Lattes.
The first Thanksgiving was a wonderful time had by all, and a tradition we all do well to keep.