...but I just can't bring myself to spend the precious naptime hours asleep, no matter how tired I am. Not nearly as tired as last month before Benjamin started sleeping through the night. Wow, am I glad that part's over. Those first few weeks are killer, but soon the smiles come and the laughing and pretty soon you're just falling in love. There's that initial love that's present the moment he's born, holding him for the first time and looking into his eyes. But somewhere along the line, about a month into it I'd guess, it grows into a love that is fierce and overwhelming to the point that you can start crying just thinking about how much you love him. I hit that point a few weeks ago, and I'm just having such a great time with my little Benji-man.
Other than cuddling with the baby, just trying to keep up with the other two. Harper is on a ridiculous reading kick where she basically follows you around the house with a book in her hands chanting "Read, read, read". Bethany started preschool two days a week. Very strange feeling to drop my little girl off at her classroom and get in my car and drive away. But she has a blast, and I love the drive home when I get to hear all about her day. Apparently, Thursday was Peter's birthday. Happy Birthday, Peter. I've also been going to the gym most mornings, trying to get back into shape and my favorite old jeans. I actually can get into them, but it isn't pretty. So I guess my goal is not only to get them on, but to wear them in public again.
Been spending a little more time in prayer lately. It seems like God has been giving me a lot of things to deal with that are beyond my control so that I'll actually come to Him once in a while. Of course control is an illusion in the first place, but when we feel particularly helpless we tend to hit our knees. Just learning to make prayer a first resort rather than a last resort, I guess. I was also convicted at the gym a few weeks ago as I powered through my second set of crunches. I was feeling pretty good about myself and my ability to push myself even though it was hard and it hurt and that's when the Spirit whispered "Why aren't you this disciplined when it comes to being patient with your kids?" It's true. I give in so easily to sin. Just a little pressure and I cave, while at the gym I take pride in driving myself to my limit and then some. All of those athlete analogies in the Bible have been coming alive to me since then. If only I could channel that energy into my relationship with Christ. If only I could care as much about being holy as I do about being skinny.
Well, I've got to feed Benjamin now, otherwise the whole delicate schedule of our day will collapse. Hope to be back sooner then later.