Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Dear Mr. President
I love frozen yogurt. I looooooove frozen yogurt. And whenever I go to pick some up, it's apparent to me that pretty much everybody loves frozen yogurt. If you want to see cultural diversity, just go get some fro yo. If you roll up to the local Golden Spoon there will be a group of black-clad Gothic high school kids pounding down some German Chocolate with hot fudge topping. Climbing out of their Buick will be an elderly couple ready to sink their dentures into a dish of vanilla with fresh berries. Inside the place will be full of soccer moms, business men, hippies, and divas, all gathered together over one common bond: The joy of a frozen, frosty, fat-free treat.
Dear Mr. President,
I realize that as you work to fulfill the office to which you have been elected, your views and strategies on foreign policy have been at times both praised and criticized. Admittedly, I don't know very much about the ins and outs of international warfare, and while I'm sure you are not currently looking for more advice on the subject, I thought I would submit my idea to you anyway.
My proposed strategy for achieving peace in the Middle East is to tap into the diplomatic power of frozen yogurt. What better way to bring cultures together than with a bowlful of just that: live and active cultures? I will leave it up to you as to exactly how you would implement this strategy, but my suggestion would be to begin by building Golden Spoon Frozen Yogurt stores all along the Gaza strip, and to follow up by pitching franchising opportunities to Al Quaeda and other terrorist cell groups. A redemptive micro-enterprising program could then be put into place through which weapons of mass destruction could be traded in for soft-serve machines, sneeze guards, and various tasty toppings.
It is my sincere opinion that this is a bullet proof strategy (no pun intended) for the United States to create peaceful relationships between nations while simultaniously improving our global image. Should you wish to explore the idea further I would be happy to come to the White House and discuss details with you over a bowl of white chocolate mousse with Oreo topping.
Thank you for your time and consideration, and may God Bless America.