Sunday, May 28, 2006

Can't Sleep

What do you do when you can’t sleep? I have a myriad of remedies, ranging from reading and writing to just closing my eyes and trying to envision the back of my head. Sounds weird, I know. But you should try it some time- it really works. Just like if you feel a sneeze coming on and you don’t want it to get away, you’re supposed to scratch your wrist and think of cows. Never fails. On the flip side, if you feel a sneeze coming on and it isn’t a very good time for a sneeze, the tip is to quickly locate a light source and stare at it until the sneeze goes away. I’ve used this method through many a church service, but I have come to realize that it has nothing to do with a light source or even looking at anything. The secret is simply in keeping your eyes open, because it is impossible to sneeze without closing your eyes. Some have even gone as far to claim that if you were to sneeze with your eyes open, your eyeballs would pop out. This makes for an interesting mental image, but I am doubtful that it’s true. I have two friends that have a glass eye. (To clarify, they do not share a glass eye, thankfully they each have one of their own. Nor did they lose their respective eyes by sneezing with them held open.) Is that strange to know multiple glass-eye owners, or does everybody know a couple of these folks? I guess it’d be hard to really know, unless they were like my one friend who enjoys popping it out at parties. I never go to any of his parties. I was at a goodbye party a few hours ago. A guy in our Lifegroup is moving to Texas, so we hung out with him and watched as the Suns allegorically lost one to the Mavs. I enjoy a good play-off game, but you know what I hate about the NBA? Watching grown men whine. In baseball, when they get a bad call, they never whine at the umpire. They yell at him. I much prefer yelling to whining. Hopefully there won’t be much of either in my house. This entry is going to be a short one, because it has already accomplished its purpose: to bore me to sleep, and it has likely done the same for you. Buenos noches, mis amigos.

8 comments:

Hannah said...

WOW! You know, I would never think to blog on such a thing... but... it really was quite entertaining. You have an incredible gift for the taking the most mundane things in life and making them somehow more enjoyable. Thanks, Kristie.

p.s. I've tried looking at my inner eyelids, which usually lulls me to sleep, but I should try the whole "envision the back of your head" thing. I suppose you would know...

Brent Klontz said...

I think I felt a challenge there girl. And knowing how competitive I am, I would bet money that I could sneeze with my eyes open!

Lisa said...

Thank you for taking me on a trip to the back of your brain. The meanderings were hilarious, and helpful. I am a chronic insomniac and have usually taken the route of web boggle to try and get back to sleep, but I'll try scratching my wrist and thinking of cows...no wait that was for sneezing..i'll look at a light..no wait that was for not sneezing...I'll spend some time wondering what it would be like to have a glass eye...or picture the back of my brain.

Thanks again for the laugh. You rock.

Rusty said...

"To clarify, they do not share a glass eye, thankfully they each have one of their own."

ROFL ... oh my gosh, that is too funny.

I think I know one of these "friends" whom you speak of. Funny funny guy.

until next time,

Case of Base

Guy Hufstetler said...

I'm thinking that the "whining" to which you referred in the NBA is just a false respect that has something to do with the Technical Foul.

Imagine if a MLB player argued balls and strikes, and the umpire could say, "OK, that's it, bring out the best hitter from the other team and let's see if he can toss the ball up in the air and hit it out of the park." I would imagine that would turn a lot of the arguments into "respectful whining."

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